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| Sometimes, I just forget, because it hurts to remember
Now i understand, if i'm not pretty enough, if i'm not thin enough... no one will ever know me as good as he did... no one will ever touch me the way he did, no one will see me the way he did... deep down inside of me i want to be that girl again.. I hate who I became.. i hate seeing myself in the mirror... I'm so ugly... and i feel like i need someone to talk to these days... Its been lonely in my head and holidays makes me sad.I don't want to tell anybody but i can't wait for it to end. To return to my so called life..... studying and doing nothing but wait to fall in love ..... PATHETIC.... i just cant continue this way... i just want to stop all this stupid pain i feel deep inside me... I'm not happy, i want someone to fall in love with me... i don't want someone for one night... right now, i can't take it.. i don't want to have sex with someone i don't care... I just want to go back in the past.... When i was 17.... I would never fall in love with that guy... i would always have stay thin and pretty.....Now, i'm hopeless... fat and ugly as fuck.... I know that beauty doesn't count and its inner beauty thats important but try to tell that to someone who doesn't know you.... he wont even approach you if your ugly as fuck and fat as fuck..... | | |
| What's left to say?
Deep down in my heart, sadness is still there! I'm sad.I'm sad cuz when i finish working there's no one to talk to... no one to listen to me.. I'm always alone. It's only me myself and I.I'm feeling very alone and sad theses days...
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| I will never be pretty enough for anyone.....................anymore!
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I lied when i told you it meant nothing to meI meet someone yesterday....It remind me of you.... it reminds me of....me....when i was depressed and it reminds me how real love is.....
C'est étrange comme parfois on s'attend pas à tomber en amour... et sa nou arrive juste comme sa...on est bien avec une autre personne... et sa click....le seul probleme c'est que sa click seulement d'un sens..... et bien entendue c'Est toujours moi qui finit par avoir mal et a regretter d'être en vie...parce que oui c'est pas toujours rose et depuis mon retour de québec, je ne suis plus la même...j'étais heureuse et souriante.Maintenant, je cache tout à tout le monde...personne a qui vraiment parler de ce que je ressens.... pcq jai pas limpression que les gens comprendraient vraiment ce que je vis...je ne suis jamais bonne pour personne, jamais assez belle, jamais assez mince... alors parfois je me demande ce que je fais à continuer de vivre.Et, des journées comme hier, me rappele que la vie est merveilleuse par moment... il suffit de profiter des bons moments et voilà.....
Sa peut sembler stupide... mais il a remarquer ma marque sur mon poignet....je crois que c'est le seul qui a porter attention à cette marque depuis que tu es partie....Je n'ai pas voulue parler de pouquoi cette marque était là... je suis rester brève... car je sais que ce qui m'est arriver a tout changer entre nous.... et je ne voulais pas qu'il disparaisse comme toi tu as fait.... j'aimerais qu'il reste un certain temps.............. mais il est trop comme moi...
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| Each night I put my head on my pillow &+ try to tell myself I'm strong, because I've gone another day without you!
Its been hard! Really hard to forget you... sometimes i wish that you would and could come back to me... and then i tell myself No this time he's never going back! It's final, it's over... it's been over 2 months now.... No news, no calls.... nothing...I saw him once, only to get my stuff back and I told him i wanted to be friends.... but he didnt cared. He deleted me for his contact on msn and i did the same.I changed my email adress so he couldnt reach me.
Sometimes I feel happy and peaceful and sometimes I'm really depressed about everything. But theres one thing that i'm really mad.... He left me for another girl... That hurt even more! I try to tell myself its okay and that he got to live his life... but how about me...will I find somebody else? Will i ever be happy like i was? Will I ever love somebody else like I love you......God i hate you. I wish I could tell you that i hate you so much but that i'm glad that you're able to move on...Its the best decision that you made! I'm just a ugly fat bitch.....even if I lost 25 pounds in less than 2 months.. thank you for that!
Sometimes i realise that you're not important anymore! I remember a time when i used to text you everytime something bad happen to me...well i still have that thought and i just text somebody else....Plus, there is sometimes when i want to share how great my day as been... but i just tell myself that i'm really glad you're dead!Well, you're not dead!But to me, its the best way i can get through this!You've been my first love...and i wont ever forget you, but its best for you to forget WHO you used to be... cuz i was in love with that guy, not who you are right now!I hate the guy you have become!And i just cant wait to fall in love with somebody else just to compare how big you loved me!
If by anyhow, you're reading this.... please know that i'm waiting to take that coffee, that i'm waiting for that phone call just to heard how you're doing......
Silence is the great teacher. and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it
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